I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
