every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
