Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
