Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
