You can't special order awesome
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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