then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
