I'm gonna have a badass scar
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
