Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
