Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
