he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
