Welp...herpes.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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