If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
