Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
