I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
