I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
