i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
