imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
