My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
