so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
