Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
