Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
