in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
