you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
