i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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