I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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