And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
