i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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