Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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