so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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