Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
