Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
