I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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