I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
