Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
