fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
