Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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