I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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