so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
