jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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