is your mom at the bar?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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