he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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