Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
