Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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