you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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