"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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