They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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