I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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