Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
