if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
