Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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